Thursday, November 12, 2009

A Penny for my Thoughts

So.

I have officially been in Africa for 3 months now. Crazy, I know.

Basically this is just going to be about how I am feeling right now. With 3 months behind me and just 1 to go.

Today I was really hit by a feeling of disconnectedness (not sure if that is a word) from everyone back home. I am really content being here with the new friends that I have made. However, it really stinks that I've had to pretty much abandon everyone back in the States to make this a reality. I just realized that I am missing big events in people's lives and it made me sad. Sad that I am not there, but also sad that I don't know what is occurring in people's lives. Maybe it is my fault for not communicating enough, but I really fell like I don't know at all what is going on with the people I really care about. It is nice to be fully present here and not worrying about things going on back home, but I want to know what is happening because that is my life. Uganda is awesome, but I am going to be going back to life in Clay Center/Siloam Springs next month. Anyway, I'm not sure that these ramblings make much sense. Let's move on.

With regards to the semester, I am feeling so extremely confused and frustrated. At the beginning of the semester Mark told us that the program was about creating tension and not necessarily giving us simple answers in pretty packages. It seems that there are so many conflicting ideas that we are being presented with. I'm not really sure how to deal with it all. I find myself wanting something practical. I want the pretty package that I can use myself and give to all my friends and family back home. But I am pretty sure that will not be my Christmas present. I am learning so much but I'm more confused than when I started. Ugh.

I am also feeling a strange combination of homesickness and not wanting the semester to end. I am so ready to see everyone again, to eat American food, to have flushing toilets, to take warm showers, etc., etc. However, I am starting to realize just how much I will miss things here once I leave. It was so hard to leave my family just going to rural homestays for a week. It will be so much harder to leave them knowing that I will probably never see them again. It is also going to be ridiculously hard to leave the students that I am studying with. We have been planning reunions and times to see each other already. However, I think we all know that we will probably not all be together again come December 15. That is such a sad thought because we are so close right now. I love all of these people and I'm not sure how I am going to leave them.

Ok. Those are my thoughts.

Love you all. See you in just over a month!

2 comments:

  1. Hey Abi, we miss you mucho and hope to see you in Spring soon, well supposely, enjoy your last month in Uganda though! well see you soon in State s

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  2. It's hard, isn't it, when you can only be in one place at one time, and life goes on without you in the other place! It happens all the time. You are probably just more aware of it because of the distance that separates you.

    Plus, thanks to technology, you can actually keep up on what you're missing, for better or worse!

    So, the moral of the story is, maybe, to live IN the moment where you are...to enjoy every minute!

    How soon are you coming home to us?

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